your room smells of hookers.
And success
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
