it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
