I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
