White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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