mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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