so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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