dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
