I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
