508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
