Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
