Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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