yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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