dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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