What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How does one acquire holy water?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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