using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
They have beer where we have blood.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
