Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
