why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize