This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
