I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
