you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
