If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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