I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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