I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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