he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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