he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i love accidental penises.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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