R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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