My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
