he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
