whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
