sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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