I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
