I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Randomize
