the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
