Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
