and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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