If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize