3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
