Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i came on her dog
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
