I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
