Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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