I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
