pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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