I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
