Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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