One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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