She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
