ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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