Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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