I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
