this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
