i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize