how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
