I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
