textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize