Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's never too late to be topless.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
soo... how was my night?
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