I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
