So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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