Me. At least after what I've been through.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
