i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
