I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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