ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
