I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
