are you so shy because you have an std?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
