the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
