I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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