Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
