We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
