Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize