I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
