Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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