Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
