Your face is a jimmy john
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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