Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
