So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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