White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize