I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
