i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
